Open marriages, or consensual non-monogamous relationships, are becoming more common and accepted today. This arrangement allows partners to explore their sexuality and connect with others outside their primary relationship while maintaining emotional commitment and honesty.
However, navigating an open marriage can be a challenging and delicate process that requires communication, trust, and a willingness to confront uncomfortable emotions.
This article will explore how to have a successful open marriage, including setting boundaries, managing jealousy, and maintaining open communication; if you’re considering opening up your relationship or already have, read on to discover how to make it work for you and your partner.
What is an open marriage?
An open marriage is a consensually non-monogamous association where partners arrange to engage in sexual or romantic relationships with other people beyond their primary association. Unlike traditional monogamous relationships, open marriages allow for emotional and physical connections with others as long as all individuals concerned are familiar and accepting.
In an open marriage, partners typically communicate openly about their desires, boundaries, and expectations for their relationship. This can include agreements about whether or not to use protection, who is allowed to be involved in sexual activities, and how often outside connections are permitted.
Open marriages can offer several benefits for couples exploring this lifestyle. It can provide a way to explore new sexual experiences and fantasies, build trust and communication skills, and help partners better understand their needs and desires. Additionally, an open marriage can allow couples to maintain their emotional connection and commitment to each other while fulfilling their individual needs and wishes.
However, navigating an open marriage can also come with challenges. Managing jealousy, setting clear boundaries, and maintaining honest communication is important for a successful open marriage. It is vital for couples to carefully consider their reasons for pursuing an open marriage and to approach this lifestyle with care and respect for each other’s feelings and needs.
1. Do your research
Purchase a book: Many books are available that explore the topic of open marriage and provide advice and guidance for couples considering this lifestyle. Some popular titles include “The Ethical Slut” by Dossie Easton and Janet Hardy, “Opening Up” by Tristan Taormino, and “More Than Two” by Franklin Veaux and Eve Rickert.
Talk to others: If you know someone in an open marriage or have experience with this lifestyle, consider reaching out to them for advice and insights. Joining online forums or social media groups dedicated to open relationships can also provide a supportive community and a space to ask questions and share experiences.
Find a virtual group: Many virtual support groups and communities are available for couples in open marriages. These groups can provide a safe and confidential space to discuss concerns and receive advice from others with similar experiences. Some popular online groups include the Open Marriage & Polyamory Support Group on Facebook and the Open Relationship Community on Reddit.
Download a podcast: Many podcasts are available that explore the topic of open marriage and provide advice and insights for couples considering this lifestyle. Some popular podcasts include “Multiamory,” “Polyamory Weekly,” and “Sex Out Loud with Tristan Taormino.”
Attend a workshop or conference: If you are interested in learning more about open marriage and meeting others who share your interests, consider attending a workshop or conference dedicated to consensual non-monogamy. These events can provide educational sessions, networking opportunities, and a supportive community. Some popular events include the Non-Monogamies and Contemporary Intimacies conference and the OpenSF conference.
2. Confirm what you both want
Before embarking on an open marriage, it is essential to have a candid conversation with your partner about your desires, expectations, and boundaries. Here are some reasons why it is necessary to confirm that an open marriage is what you both want:
Avoid misunderstandings: If one partner is not entirely on board with an open marriage, it can lead to misunderstandings and hurt feelings. By confirming that both partners are interested and willing to explore this lifestyle, you can avoid potential conflicts and ensure everyone is on the same page.
Build trust: Trust is essential in any relationship, but it is necessary for an open marriage where partners explore relationships with other people. By confirming that an open marriage is what you both want, you can build a foundation of trust and honesty to help you navigate the challenges that may arise.
Ensure consent: Consent is a crucial component of any healthy relationship but essential in consensual non-monogamy. By confirming that both partners fully consent to an open marriage, you can ensure everyone’s boundaries and desires are respected.
Clarify expectations: Open marriages can take many forms, from casual dating to serious relationships with other partners. By confirming that an open marriage is what you both want, you can clarify your expectations and ensure that you are on the same page about what this lifestyle will entail.
Overall, confirming that an open marriage is what you both want can help you build a strong foundation of trust, respect, and communication that will enable you to navigate this lifestyle confidently and clearly.
3. Rules for a successful open marriage
Here are some essential rules that can help ensure a successful open marriage:
Safe sex practices: Consensual non-monogamy involves physical intimacy with multiple partners, so it’s essential to establish safe sex practices to protect yourself and your partner(s) from sexually transmitted infections (STIs).
Home space: Discuss boundaries around bringing other partners into your shared living space. Some couples prefer to keep their home as a private space for the two, while others may be comfortable with having other partners over.
Physical boundaries: Establish boundaries around physical touches, such as kissing and cuddling, with other partners. Discuss what is acceptable and what is not, and establish boundaries with which both partners are comfortable.
Emotional boundaries: Open marriages can involve emotional connections with multiple partners. Establish clear boundaries around emotional involvement, such as whether it’s okay to say “I love you” to other partners or if certain emotional connections are off-limits.
Time investment: Be honest with each other about how much time you want to invest in outside relationships and set boundaries around how much time you will spend with other partners.
By establishing clear rules and boundaries around these areas, couples can explore consensual non-monogamy in a respectful, safe, and enjoyable way for both partners. It’s important to remember that rules and boundaries can be flexible and should be regularly reviewed and adjusted to ensure the continued success of the open marriage.
One of the keys to a successful open marriage is ensuring that your primary partner remains a priority. While exploring consensual non-monogamy can be exciting and fulfilling, it’s important to remember that your primary partner is the foundation of your relationship. Here are some reasons why it’s essential to prioritize your partner as needed:
Nurture the relationship: By prioritizing your primary partner, you can ensure your connection remains strong and healthy. This can help you both feel more secure in the open marriage and prevent feelings of jealousy or insecurity from arising.
Maintain communication: Prioritizing your partner can help maintain open and honest communication between you. By staying connected and attentive to your partner’s needs, you can ensure they feel heard and valued, strengthening your bond.
Ensure trust: Prioritizing your partner can help build trust between you. By consistently demonstrating your commitment to your primary partner, you can help them feel more secure in the open marriage.
Respect boundaries: Prioritizing your partner means respecting their boundaries and needs. By staying attuned to your partner’s feelings and needs, you can ensure that you’re both comfortable with the dynamics of the open marriage.
Overall, prioritizing your partner as needed is essential for building a strong and healthy open marriage. By staying attentive, communicative, and respectful, you can explore consensual non-monogamy in a fulfilling and enriching way for you and your primary partner.
Here are some ways to prioritize your partner’s needs in an open marriage:
Celebrate important occasions: Prioritize your partner’s momentous occasions, such as birthdays, anniversaries, and holidays. This can help your partner feel valued and appreciated and prevent them from feeling neglected or unimportant.
Family dinners and events: If your partner’s family is essential to them, try to attend family dinners and events with them. This can show your partner that you care about their family and want to be a part of their lives.
Medical visits: If your partner has a necessary medical appointment or procedure, prioritize their needs and offer support. This can help your partner feel cared for and supported during a stressful time.
Quality time: Set aside quality time for your partner regularly. This can help you maintain a strong connection with your partner and prevent feelings of neglect or jealousy from arising.
Communication: Regularly check in with your partner to ensure that their needs are being met and that they feel valued and appreciated. This can help you stay attuned to your partner’s feelings and prevent misunderstandings or hurt feelings from arising.
By prioritizing your partner’s needs in these ways, you can help ensure that your open marriage remains solid and fulfilling for both partners. Open communication and mutual respect are vital to building a successful consensual non-monogamous relationship.
In conclusion, having a successful open marriage requires excellent communication, trust, and mutual respect between partners. It’s essential to have open and honest conversations about your needs, boundaries, and expectations before entering into an open marriage and to regularly check in with each other to ensure that both partners feel comfortable and fulfilled.
Setting clear rules and boundaries is also crucial for a successful open marriage, prioritizing your primary partner’s needs and maintaining open communication. This can help build a strong foundation of trust and respect, which is essential for navigating challenges in an open marriage.
Additionally, it’s essential to recognize that open marriages are not for everyone and that choosing a different relationship structure is okay if consensual non-monogamy is not a good fit for you and your partner.
Successful open marriages require a great deal of emotional maturity, communication, and respect between partners. By building a strong and healthy relationship foundation, you can explore consensual non-monogamy in a fulfilling, enriching, and sustainable way for you and your primary partner. We hope this blog on how to have a successful open marriage is useful to the readers.
